Marriage Mania 2
Marriage is always an event which is very near to one’s heart. So, many friends of mine read my previous article Marriage Mania and after that, there were many discussions that went on, with my school friends, with my college friends and with my colleagues. The talks filled with fear, expectations, experience and excitement. I am venting out those bottled up expressions and experiences from the otiose and yet essential talks I witnessed.
A friend or relative’s marriage is the hub that gives access our imaginations, expectations and fear. It is when most of our friends get together. The common phrases that we hear in the marriage hall would be, “Nice couple right! – Bloody lucky chap – When is your marriage man? – Who is next in our group? – look at her, no-no-not her, the one in pink”. Along with this, there is a series of thoughts that crawl into every marriageable boy/girl’s mind and remain unexpressed. “When will I get married? Will I get a pretty/nice girl/boy? Will I get adjusted his family or will she with my family? Where is she/where is he?” It is an endless saga.
Just like the sensation of flowing water on our feet even after we come out of the river or like the butterfly effect in our stomach before a viva, everyone would talk about marriages after attending others marriage or before they are ripened enough to fall off. We all talk about expectations and fear. Many friends of mine expressed their expectations as specifications of a project. It started with the gray scale value of skin tone to the almond eyes, with silkiness of an open hair to the dress to be worn. Some hoped for interest in the music or art, some with the dressing sense. Some guys hoped her to wear red-pink-yellow-green-any colored trousers and girls strictly said no red-yellow-pink pants. Some specified qualifications and domain of work and some put a range to the height. It was obvious these myriad expectations were filled with fear. Fear of uncertainty.
Other discussions oozed out the experiences. The flood of photographs that were claimed to be suitable for him/her by parents which he/she culled out. Unexpected calls from parents to come home to attend an interview and the compulsion to dress perfectly for your scan from top to bottom. Suppress irksomeness in answering all those inquisitive talks which are known and yet we stumble to answer. “Beta, do you know to cook? O-o other than Maggie – Show me your feet? – Do you want to work after marriage? – Will you have multiple projects in your company – Do your parents move in with you– How is your pay? –Will you go abroad?” Along with this like a combo offer, one got to explain rejections or gulp the hurt of being rejected. Elders would say this is how marriages happen and we would know after our children.
If this is such a painful and tedious process, why to marry? In support to this, a friend of mine mentioned that marriage was not a logical entity. All the wants and needs that are derived from marriage can as well be derived by other means. Then his question was, why put a boundary called as marriage?
I believe that marriage is neither a logical thing nor just an event but an idea. It is an efficacy to bring out completeness in a person’s life. It is the same completeness that nature has bestowed upon us. By filling a man’s heart with courage and asking him to protect her. By gifting delicacy to a woman and asking her to heal him with a touch. Completeness by his broad eye brows with her elegant eye lashes, his rough stubble with her soft palm, his commanding voice with her cajoling tone, his broad chest with her conjuring fingers, his ability to impress with her inevitable laughter and his executions with her plans. Marriage is our convention with nature’s law to suit our psychological, social and biological needs. Marriage is an attempt to complete oneself.
A friend or relative’s marriage is the hub that gives access our imaginations, expectations and fear. It is when most of our friends get together. The common phrases that we hear in the marriage hall would be, “Nice couple right! – Bloody lucky chap – When is your marriage man? – Who is next in our group? – look at her, no-no-not her, the one in pink”. Along with this, there is a series of thoughts that crawl into every marriageable boy/girl’s mind and remain unexpressed. “When will I get married? Will I get a pretty/nice girl/boy? Will I get adjusted his family or will she with my family? Where is she/where is he?” It is an endless saga.
Just like the sensation of flowing water on our feet even after we come out of the river or like the butterfly effect in our stomach before a viva, everyone would talk about marriages after attending others marriage or before they are ripened enough to fall off. We all talk about expectations and fear. Many friends of mine expressed their expectations as specifications of a project. It started with the gray scale value of skin tone to the almond eyes, with silkiness of an open hair to the dress to be worn. Some hoped for interest in the music or art, some with the dressing sense. Some guys hoped her to wear red-pink-yellow-green-any colored trousers and girls strictly said no red-yellow-pink pants. Some specified qualifications and domain of work and some put a range to the height. It was obvious these myriad expectations were filled with fear. Fear of uncertainty.
Other discussions oozed out the experiences. The flood of photographs that were claimed to be suitable for him/her by parents which he/she culled out. Unexpected calls from parents to come home to attend an interview and the compulsion to dress perfectly for your scan from top to bottom. Suppress irksomeness in answering all those inquisitive talks which are known and yet we stumble to answer. “Beta, do you know to cook? O-o other than Maggie – Show me your feet? – Do you want to work after marriage? – Will you have multiple projects in your company – Do your parents move in with you– How is your pay? –Will you go abroad?” Along with this like a combo offer, one got to explain rejections or gulp the hurt of being rejected. Elders would say this is how marriages happen and we would know after our children.
If this is such a painful and tedious process, why to marry? In support to this, a friend of mine mentioned that marriage was not a logical entity. All the wants and needs that are derived from marriage can as well be derived by other means. Then his question was, why put a boundary called as marriage?
I believe that marriage is neither a logical thing nor just an event but an idea. It is an efficacy to bring out completeness in a person’s life. It is the same completeness that nature has bestowed upon us. By filling a man’s heart with courage and asking him to protect her. By gifting delicacy to a woman and asking her to heal him with a touch. Completeness by his broad eye brows with her elegant eye lashes, his rough stubble with her soft palm, his commanding voice with her cajoling tone, his broad chest with her conjuring fingers, his ability to impress with her inevitable laughter and his executions with her plans. Marriage is our convention with nature’s law to suit our psychological, social and biological needs. Marriage is an attempt to complete oneself.
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